Ever get so pissed off you start swinging a cactus?... ok-- that is probably one of the weirdest analogies I have ever come up with... or saw from a motivation picture... either way. Went to another Magic: the Gathering tourney.. well... first I hate being in debt. I only went since Richard offered to pay my way for the time being for me to enter... thirty-bucks... holy shit... great... now I owe him 30 bucks. Didn't get any good cards from what I was handed... sure they were of the new 'Innistrad' that has come out but fuck... and I took overall 4th in the tourney. 4th is shit for me. Ugh... lost for bullshit reasons... So yeah, now I have to find a way to get him his 30 back... and its gonna suck... I know it.
Anyways, hanging out with the guys once again since I got tired of playing Final Fantasy XIV and doing nothing else at my place... so yeah that is that. Decided to hang out with them. My plan for getting Richard's money back, I plan to sell my planeswalker and a number of other cards if it gets to that. I am starting to slowly lose interest in the game overall.
There is not much I can look forward to at this time-- haven't heard from Arianne in a couple of days and now that I do not hear anything from obsessive-Tabitha anymore...the nights have gotten slow. Not my fault she tore up her mangas and magic cards, I told her since the beginning that I did not want to have to do anything with her on a relationship... she looks way too much like my mom and she has this obsessive personality that isn't cute not appealing. The whole "I've been raped" card just got old too quickly. Sure, I may have crossed a few god damn lines trying to boost her confidence by flirty with her, and there was no true excuse for it. I feel despiciable for doing that.
I want to be tough or extremely intelligent...I don't know how to go about that... if anything I want to be able to intimidate someone with a quality I have. I don't really care about the jokes my friends make at me- but where is my defense? Its baffling to say the least. I want to do something about it but I am not sure what.
I decided to look into becoming a hacker of some kind and that way I can have a sense of being intimidating in my own right. Currently, I am looking into websites and asking what friends I have online to help me along the way.
Not sure what I can do at this time but I am searching... oh man am I searching.
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