Now I am happy my friend is back after not seeing him for so long. The thing is, he was in the army right out of high school and has recently left the service. I can tell he kind of has a bit of a mental disorder-- I wouldn't say the definition of how I used it is a bit severe- but I mean he has been in Iraq where knowing that he has lost some of friends there. I can see that he is hurting in that aspect. I didn't notice it, however my parents who took me to go see him while he was around the community college with his fiancee Crystal; So, we meet up, took a few pictures and my parents noticed how he spoke of his time in the military- now I don't know too much about the psyche of those who have been in the service, but to sum it up-- my parents know he just needs something to hold onto. Its tough times out there and its worse for him since his family isn't really around for him.
*sigh* I have been trying to keep afloat with what I have and do not have as well. Today my-- well girl of interest (who which I have to pretty much go through hoops just to get her trust. I really hate it- but I am willing to try and make a long shot in my life but at the six month period I will make it clear if there is nothing happening then I will very gladly move on and forget about her. Its tiring! It really is to make a good impression as well as good stature the whole time. Its like wearing a half-mask all the time. Changing your appearance some of the time to show that you're tolerable and you can tolerate a lot of from other people while around her... I am not saying if its solid I will take off the mask; as I stated in one of my previous posts I have to find a way to mold myself into a better person.)
Moving on! Shit I went off into a tangent there didn't I? Well, she was going through a normal routine and was extremely mad and I had to pretty much put up with it I sighed a lot from reading what was going on and how she was reacting and I was planning out my steps. Really that can tire someone and since its not enough to take the whole realism of one person then what's the point? Its life I guess.
Well I am back at school; getting onto the base wasn't hard and the class is actually very easy for me. I think I am the only true civilian there. And I am so glad that we can use our laptops to do what ever we want as long as we are participating in class! Woo! upside there.
Oh man- I am not sure what is really clouding my thoughts but I want to make sure I do not dread waking up again-- that depressive phase is terrible. Its when I need those that I have granted my personal thoughts to...my mom dad brother girlfriend pretty much if I don't feel secure around them- then I can easily let go of them... like cutting out your lungs and walking away... dammit I am just... plagued with preemptive depression.
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